


Daddy or Cannibal Love 2: Keanu Boogaloo

by sadslasher



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies), Donnie Darko (2001), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Hannibal (TV), Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Character Death, Crack, Crossover, Death, M/M, Omega Jean, alpha aislyn, beta emily - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26928463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadslasher/pseuds/sadslasher
Summary: hannibal and keanu are a happy couple. jean is sentient. rose graham verger fell interrupts their relationship. who will hannibal choose?
Relationships: Hannibal Lecter/Keanu Reeves, Hannibal Lecter/Rose Graham Sweet Verger Fell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Daddy or Cannibal Love 2: Keanu Boogaloo

hannibal cried black billie eilish tears as he reread the letter that rose wrote him before running away with a less sexy version of him. he just couldn't believe that she was gone. she was so hot and her tiddies were so big even though she was 14. it's okay though have you guys seen lolita??

"yeah I've seen lolita lol" hannibal heard a voice behind him. but it couldn't be… 

he whipped his head around so fast and hard there was an audible crack. it was him. it was keanu reeves.

“KEANU???” Hannibal yelped, intimidated. Before him, Keanu stood with a stance like no other.

…. "Why are we? Ok nevermind i forgot how fever dream this fic is," Jean contemplated as he rubbed the tip of his nose. 

"shut up jean" keanu yelled. hannibal stood up dramatically. "that's my husband you're talking about." hannibal growled, foaming at the mouth.

“Who are you talking to, keanu? Its been years. Its time to let jean go.” hannibal said to his loving husband keanu reeves. He may be short but he is mighty. And a force to be reckoned.

jean started to fade from keanu's vision. "wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT" the fake jean yelled, his screams becoming distorted. keanu slid to the floor, crying. "jean…." 

Hannibal eyes his husband curiously. Suddenly an idea pops into his mind. “Keanu, dear, could you draw me a clock?”

keanu reaches very very deep into his mouth and pulls out a completely dry piece of paper and a pencil. he starts sketching a clock. "see hannibal look" he says, shoving the drawing into hannibal's hands. he then looks directly at the person reading this. "da vinky?"

Jean closed his eyes as he soak this scenes in, mesmerizing how idiotic and helpless his husband is to the thought of Rose. He couldn't fathom how Keanu was here all of a sudden. As the wave of disappointment overthrows his way as he left the office, going to the bathroom and crying.

"LET ME OUT LET ME OUT OF THIS" he cried in the bathroom.

hannibal watches jean run out of the office. a laugh track plays. hannibal looks at the camera like jim from hit tv series the office. keanu wipes the tears from his eyes. "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!!" he says, defeated. he kins Ross from friends.

“▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 🎀 𝓀𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓊 🎀 █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁” says hannibal. Keanu reeves begins sobbing sexily. “Whats wrong my love” asks hannibal.

“I thought jean was a figment of my imagination” keanu reeves says, rocking back and forth on the floor. “But now he is running amuck and hiding in bathrooms, Why has he gained sentience? Are any of us real?”

hannibal gazes at his sexy husband sympathetically. "it's like mr robot, except for if mr robot was racist and said slurs." 

"WHY WH O HWO HWAT WAT THE FUCK IS THIS OH MY G WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS IM I KEANU????" Jean blurted out of context.

keanu sobbed and replied, "lets go watch this," as he pointed outwards into the screen. Revealing his new game cyperbunk 077 something idk what the fuck thst title is.

“Wh..wha.??? Me??” says emily, looking behind them. 

aislyn is also there. she is probably writing a letterboxd review on donnie darko or something.

Jean still crying on this and just trying to cope keanu reaves being here and being horny.

in a poor attempt to make this fic make some sort of sense, rose graham sweet verger fell steps into the room. she is wearing one of those stupid Hawaiian shirts and has a Chihuahua in her purse. "im back from Cuba bitches!!!!!!! the other hannibal died or something idk i was taking a nap."

“ROSE!!!” Hannibal hollers, tripping over his brand new husband (keanu reeves) as he dashes across the room to his 14 year old lover. “Its been so long, rose, and ive missed you.”

keanu fucking dies.F in the chat for keanu. 

"i missed you too, my flamboyant gay cannibal muse. i can't believe my stupid dad will graham doesn't support our love. he's pedophobic." rose wraps her arms around hannibal like eight times. her arms are very stretchy. 

“My god,” hannibal swoons, “youre so long. Youve changed so much since i last saw you.”

“Thank you” says rose sweetly (like her last name) and flips her long luxurious blonde hair over her shoulder. “A lot has changed, hannibal. Ive eaten many people during my time in cuba, and i no longer sing the only exception in the shower. I listen to 100 gecs and that alone. I am an e girl, hannibal.”

hannibal strikes an overwatch victory pose. "lucky for me, i think e girls are hot." he sheds a single heart shaped tear. "I'm so glad you're back… I missed our cannibal group parties… the taste of that sweet sweet will graham period punch has never been the same without you." 

all of a sudden, hannibal hears a camera click in the distance. it's freddie pounds. autocorrect changed that to pounds instead of lounds but that's funnier anyways. its pounds because she's a fat cow, rose thinks. rose hates fat people. 

“Hannibal” says keanu, wailing in pain on the floor mere inches away from the two. Hannibal gazes down at his fatally wounded husband to see him point at freddie in the window. This is the second floor, so he’s not sure how she’s tall enough to do that. “Its that ginger bitch again"

"putting this on my tumblr." freddie pounds says. she sounds like a raccoon. she is a raccoon. but ginger. and anthropomorphic. like guardians of the galaxy. I love rocket.

aislyn finally finishes her donnie darko review. it is very detailed. In the bathroom, elsewhere, jean is reading it.


End file.
